Today is my birthday; my 19th.
Except I lose my insurance;
which means I can't go to college unless I have 2000 bucks (my college has its own health care program which is waivable if you already have insurance, which I had waived about an hour before the gov called us and told us that I had no insurance. How awkward... xD ) I qualify for a Pell Grant, but it only covers tuition, not fees (which is about 1000 including books) and then the healthcare which is 2000ish for the year. ><' I have about...200 bucks saved. xD
which means I have to find a means of support; because my medication for anxiety and depression is freaking expensive x.x
which means I have a lot of stuff to do; SSI from the government but they have already denied me twice.
Anyways, my grandpa has gotten much worse... cancer is all over and he is now developing tumors in his lymph nodes. :c He is losing his memory and is confused, and his speech is very slurred. Everyone is very worried. I don't want to celebrate when he is suffering :c
We were going to have a picnic today with him--just in his nursing home room because moving him would exhaust him, but he began to get paranoid and needed someone to be with him all through the night. My grandma is exhausted and my mom volunteered to watch him today. I just hope he won't feel so scared. It's scary to be dying, and I hope his passing won't be hard and painful. I love him very much and he's all I worry about now; and my grandma. My grandma is very emotionally attached to my grandpa and it's very stressful for her. We have to try and give her as many breaks as possible. Wednesday all of the siblings will meet with the social worker to decide what to do; take grandpa home so he can live out the rest of his days there, or...something else. Not sure. We will all miss him very much.
The days are all kind of smushed together, I feel like I'm losing all my free summer time because I'm so worried I can't really do much/don't feel like doing much. Last night I had a migraine, which sucked. xD It's weird, though, my dad and I seem to get migraines at the same time. O.o We aren't sure how they start or what the trigger(s) was; we both ate different things and didn't leave the house or anything. Oi... Everything is worrisome.